Many adults struggle with ingrained negative beliefs about themselves. A common one is: “I am not good enough.” These beliefs often develop over years and can affect relationships, work performance, and overall well-being. Combining mindful self-compassion (MSC) with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can be a powerful way to address these core beliefs.
Understanding Mindful Self-Compassion and EMDR
Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) involves three key components:
- Mindfulness: Noticing difficult thoughts and emotions without judgment.
- Common Humanity: Recognizing that everyone struggles and experiences setbacks.
- Self-Kindness: Treating yourself with care and understanding, rather than harsh self-criticism.
EMDR is a therapy technique that helps the brain reprocess distressing memories or beliefs, reducing their emotional intensity. It enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress resulting from disturbing life experiences.
EMDR therapy follows eight phases that guide clients from history-taking and preparation to processing memories and installing new, positive beliefs. Through this structured approach, EMDR helps the brain reprocess painful experiences, reducing their emotional intensity and promoting lasting healing.
Practical Example: Working with the Belief “I Am Not Good Enough”
Scenario: A woman has long-standing feelings of inadequacy that affect many areas of her life. At work, she frequently compares herself to colleagues, worries her contributions aren’t valuable, and avoids volunteering for projects out of fear of failure. In relationships, she often overcompensates—taking on too much responsibility, apologizing unnecessarily, or avoiding expressing her true needs—because she fears that others will reject her if she doesn’t measure up. She spends a lot of time ruminating on past experiences where she felt overlooked, criticized, or “less than,” which reinforces the negative belief, “I will never be enough.” These patterns leave her feeling exhausted, anxious, and disconnected from her authentic self.
How a Therapist Might Pair Self-Compassion with EMDR
During EMDR therapy, the therapist can guide the client to apply the three components of self-compassion in a practical, experiential way:
- Mindfulness: The client notices self-critical thoughts without judgment.
- Example: “I notice the thought ‘I am not good enough’ is present right now. I can observe it without letting it define me.”
- During EMDR, this mindfulness is maintained while processing distressing memories that reinforce the negative belief.
- Common Humanity: The therapist reminds the client that these struggles are shared by many, reducing isolation and shame.
- Example: “Many people feel inadequate at times. You are not alone in this struggle.”
- While reprocessing memories, this perspective helps the client feel connected rather than isolated by her negative thoughts.
- Self-Kindness: After each EMDR set, the client actively practices self-compassion to counter harsh self-criticism.
- Example: “I am doing my best, and I deserve understanding and care even when I feel imperfect.”
- This step reinforces new, positive neural pathways alongside the reprocessed memories, strengthening emotional resilience.
Over time, EMDR helps reframe past experiences and reduce the emotional intensity of negative beliefs, while self-compassion gives the client practical tools to respond kindly to herself in everyday life.
Final Thoughts
Pairing mindful self-compassion with EMDR offers clients a practical, experiential way to rewire deeply held negative beliefs. By noticing thoughts without judgment, connecting with the universality of human struggle, and actively treating themselves with kindness, clients can experience lasting emotional relief and a stronger sense of self-worth.
Resources:
- Learn more about mindful self-compassion: Kristin Neff’s website
- Learn more about EMDR: EMDR Institute – What is EMDR Therapy?
If you’re experiencing a mental health crisis:
- Call or text 988 in the U.S. to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
- Or text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line.
- Outside the U.S., please look up local emergency numbers.
You don’t have to go through it alone—help is available 24/7.